Wednesday, November 17, 2010

So, how is it really?

People who know me as more than just a passing acquaintance don't seem to believe me when they ask me how things are going and I smile and say great, or really well, or any answer along that line.  It seems to make them think that I'm not in touch with reality.

Truthfully, things are going very well for Ann, Chad, and me.  Honestly.

What does that really mean though?  It means:
  • I'm very spoiled and Ann gets more sleep at night than I ever dreamed possible.  I wake her up most of the time (most of the time, sometimes she wakes me) to eat at night.
  • My parents prepared me more than I even imagined for this and my career certianly hasn't hurt it any
  • Breastfeeding is harder than I imagined, even with the knowledge I had going into it
Don't get me wrong, I'm not without the doubting and questioning that goes with being a new mother.  Just ask Chad.  There has been plenty of time where the knowledge I unfairly brag about has brought me more problems than anything.  During the day Ann frequently wants to eat every hour and has picked up my bad habit of not wanting to nap at all because she thinks she's going to miss something.  I have questioned my choice to breastfeed more than most due to my history, it's brought me to tears a few times.  I've determined the best way to question every decision you've ever made is to become a mom.

I become frustrated because I think 95% of the cries she has are for hunger and trying to get her out of this every hour habit is frustrating.  I sometimes can't tell the difference between when she just wants to be put down and left alone. "Please, go away MOM!" she seems to be saying sometimes and it takes an inordinately long time to realize that's the problem. And I become frustrated but can not complain because my days are harder than nights.  I worry that I don't spend enough time talking to, reading to, and otherwise interacting with her.  I worry about all the little things.

At the same time I'm just as amazed as everyone talks about and can't imagine not having made this decision.  And I love it.  She is amazing and I can't wait to see the person she will be.

That said, I have more pictures.  Since I refuse skype this is the way all the grandparents get to see her:

Calmly playing at her gym, the turtle above making his merry music:
 But then "Mr. Turtle" stopped and we get our beautiful pouty face:
 Needless to say, I crack up at this face.
Tummy time:
 Talking with Mom:

 And finally, a picture that I will post of the two of us together:
But it took a few shots to even get this.
(the others that I have that exist, are not flattering to either of us, but I suspect my dad has some that are nice)

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